Monday, February 15, 2010

A Fly on the Wall

I could hear the willows making music as they danced through the air. Their shadows mimicking them through the pavement. The smell of just cut grass gave my nostrils an itch. The energy that the children gave off with their screams, as they try to swing jump to the sky distracted my allergies. A little adventurous boy setting his heights a little too high, crash landed as gravity plunged him to the tan bark. For a split second there was a complete silence and shock on his face. The once soaring boy looked upon his injured wing and the sight of red brought him to instant tears. The mother, not far away, shouted, "oh no what happened?" Soon after squeaky wheels and annoying bells echoed through this little jungle. Once again screams of children filled the air, but for a good reason. All I could hear was, "I want this one, I want that one!" The ice cream seemed to be so good that the children had to share it with every part of their faces. The stained profiles were on the run again. The hands sticking to the monkey bars as they swing across like some sort of animals.

1 comment:

  1. Good use of dialog and some very nice details here, but you need to work on punctuation.

    For example:
    I could hear the willows making music as they danced through the air, their shadows mimicking them on the pavement. The smell of just-cut grass gave my nostrils an itch. The energy that the children gave off with their screams, as they tried to swing jump to the sky, distracted my allergies. A little adventurous boy, setting his heights a little too high, crash landed as gravity plunged him to the tanbark. For a split second there was a complete silence and shock on his face.

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