Query Letter for Final Feature
San Jose States very own student pursues career in racing professional Sprint cars throughout California raceways.
Local Sprint car racer, Evan Suggs, 23 of Scotts Valley attends San Jose State University as a mechanical engineer major. Evan Suggs passion is racing Sprint cars. Racing with the World of Outlaws, Evan is amongst many veteran drivers. The elder drivers don’t intimidate Evan at all. He is doing what he loves, and at a professional level as well.
I believe I am the person to write this story because I have been attending racecar events since I was a child. I know the lingo and have built a great bond with Evan Suggs over the past race season. I have a trustworthy relationship with this driver and can make a great story out of his academic and racing career.
I hope you are interested in this story and the lifestyle of a fulltime student/professional Sprint car driver. I will contact you later in the week to see if you’re interested in this story.
Thank you,
Brandon Castillo
This is a good story idea, but you need to proofread more carefully.
ReplyDelete* San Jose State's ...
* Evan Suggs, 23, of Scotts Valley, attends ...
* Evan Suggs' passion ...
* full-time student ...
At minus 10 percent for each AP style and other error, you're over the limit. Please revise.
Please revise.